Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
