Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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