So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
