Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
