yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
