Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize