Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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