She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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