I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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