I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
