Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
