tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
