Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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