do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
