I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
