Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
