I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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