I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
