and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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