I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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