I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
