I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
