I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My dick has a subreddit
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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