is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
