is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Semen is not good for contacts.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
