How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
