all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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