ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Mom said you looked used
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
