does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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