We named our party play list daddy issues
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
