Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
