apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
