I'm lost and stupid without you.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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