and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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