honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
