Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
We should try that some time.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.