Texts From Last Night

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  (904): View more from Florida

  She just used a chaser for red wine.

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  (904): She just used a chaser for red wine. http://tfl.nu/vv6f
  Replies (22) Good night (909) Bad night (5822)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.

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  (765): Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack. http://tfl.nu/n2jf
  Replies (6) Good night (994) Bad night (2107)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes

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  (248): whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes http://tfl.nu/s924
  Replies (10) Good night (3584) Bad night (1425)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.

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  (727): I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due. http://tfl.nu/nv78
  Replies (26) Good night (7204) Bad night (1343)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all

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  (250): After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all http://tfl.nu/42sy
  Replies (23) Good night (1231) Bad night (3129)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.

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  (651): Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone. http://tfl.nu/buth
  Replies (2) Good night (1806) Bad night (666)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA

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  (540): AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA http://tfl.nu/16eo
  Replies (2) Good night (1761) Bad night (610)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.

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  (612): I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms. http://tfl.nu/079r
  Replies (31) Good night (3043) Bad night (693)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.

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  (706): I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered. http://tfl.nu/js85
  Replies (5) Good night (785) Bad night (1138)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Beer acquired. Food is cooking

  (1-407): View more from Florida

  Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio

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  (407): Beer acquired. Food is cooking (1-407): Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio http://tfl.nu/4aqs
  Replies (3) Good night (1287) Bad night (433)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..

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  (206): She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out.. http://tfl.nu/vlup
  Replies (3) Good night (677) Bad night (624)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work

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  (412): the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work http://tfl.nu/2wj1
  Replies (12) Good night (1631) Bad night (614)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!

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  (775): He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!! http://tfl.nu/5zy7
  Replies (3) Good night (889) Bad night (287)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet

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  (413): You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet http://tfl.nu/wsx8
  Replies (0) Good night (375) Bad night (248)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer

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  (530): Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer http://tfl.nu/g1z6
  Replies (2) Good night (322) Bad night (130)

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