Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.