I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
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yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.