Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
