Texts From Last Night

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first

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  (773): So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first http://tfl.nu/bbw8
  Replies (13) Good night (2415) Bad night (1094)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.

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  (503): At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit. http://tfl.nu/01u9
  Replies (5) Good night (613) Bad night (3612)
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  (510): View more from California

  I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.

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  (510): I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete. http://tfl.nu/ez0g
  Replies (13) Good night (8677) Bad night (625)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...

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  (612): I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person... http://tfl.nu/4pvh
  Replies (25) Good night (4589) Bad night (711)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.

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  (609): I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish. http://tfl.nu/0wzx
  Replies (45) Good night (6266) Bad night (901)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.

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  (443): He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep. http://tfl.nu/lshi
  Replies (27) Good night (1477) Bad night (4881)
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  (607): View more from New York

  Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?

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  (607): Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved? http://tfl.nu/p303
  Replies (20) Good night (3783) Bad night (962)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.

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  (305): He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys. http://tfl.nu/g37d
  Replies (310) Good night (11286) Bad night (5628)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?

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  (740): I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign? http://tfl.nu/ahav
  Replies (8) Good night (3694) Bad night (881)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Trying to grind with crutches was not a success

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  (403): Trying to grind with crutches was not a success http://tfl.nu/guu3
  Replies (7) Good night (1706) Bad night (1269)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.

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  (757): almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight. http://tfl.nu/a50k
  Replies (7) Good night (2914) Bad night (682)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"

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  (973): They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!" http://tfl.nu/oehu
  Replies (4) Good night (1608) Bad night (497)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.

  (801): View more from Utah

  The girl neighbor.

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  (801): The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis. (801): The girl neighbor. http://tfl.nu/zc5m
  Replies (1) Good night (516) Bad night (254)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me

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  (303): So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me http://tfl.nu/rws0
  Replies (4) Good night (519) Bad night (329)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox

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  (781): You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox http://tfl.nu/8bo8
  Replies (1) Good night (343) Bad night (105)

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