hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
two words...techno handjob
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
