i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
