Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
