i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
