Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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