Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
