my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
