the condom got lost in my hair
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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