you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
