btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
