I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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