Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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