When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
