my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
