Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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