You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
