i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
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