I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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