I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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