It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
