Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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