you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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