well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
