I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
