Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
