were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
