I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
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I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
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Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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