tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
