My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
