Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Send help, water and tortillas.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
