worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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