there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
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