...so i touched it.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
