I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
