Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(740): View more from Ohio

We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville

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(305): View more from Florida

We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.

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(810): View more from Michigan

That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.

(810): View more from Michigan

I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.

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(705): View more from Ontario

it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob

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(904): View more from Florida

i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised

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(252): View more from North Carolina

This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'

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(917): View more from New York City

I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.

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