The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
