That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
No stitches, just platelets and will power
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
