What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
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