Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
