know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
