At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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