I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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