ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
