i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
