just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
