I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
