Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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