I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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