If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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