I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
