I bet he comes in French.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
