I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
