Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
