This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
